Addiction
by Georgia Doe
Summary: Ed loses everything he held dear in life. Now he's searching for a way out, a way to feel better. RoyxEd Dark fic. R and R I suck at summaries
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I made this fic due to recent stuff that's been going on with someone very close and dear to me. This story's for you Jennifer.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

He ate a hamburger. It was a quarter pounder with cheddar, blue, and Swiss cheese on top, followed with onions, lettuce, and the works. Ed swallowed it up, licking his lips and sipping his coke nonchalantly. Nothing better to sooth the mind than a big meal with too much cheese, and at least double the recommended intake of calories. Ed looked up, and walked back towards his dorm in HQ.

It was hot out, even this late at night it was humid. Ed didn't think, forcing his mind to stay utterly void of any thought whatsoever. If he began thinking, he would think of Nina, Hughes, or something else along those lines. Life sucked big time in the military, but everyone had to deal with life's problems, and so that's what Ed did.

He locked them up in the back of his mind, and kept pushing forward. Often he felt overwhelmed, but he'd deal with everything over time. And so life passed on, and Ed walked back to central HQ, his mind nicely blank. He walked in the front door, only to immediately be confronted by first lt. Hawkeye.

"Oh my god, I finally found you! Ed, where were you?" she said, letting out a happy sigh.

"What the hell's going on here, why were you looking for me?" Ed asked.

"Scar's been spotted near here, so everyone's on the alert, and we noticed you weren't here, so Alphonse went to look for you, and everyone else scoured HQ to see if you were hiding somewhere," she replied.

"Wait, were is Alphonse?" Ed asked, a slight panic in his voice.

"We haven't seen him since he left to get you, he'll be fine though," said Riza, trying to stay calm, "we need to keep you safe though, so come to Roy's office. Al will show up." Ed darted out, and ran through the still open door.

Scar knew Al was with Ed, and that Ed would give up his life to save him. Both of them could be anywhere, so Ed first went around to all of his normal hangouts, where Al might be looking. His breath was short and frantic, Ed wanted then for only one thing in the world, the sight of his brothers face, the face of cold hard metal that Ed held so dear. The face that at that moment, Ed found in the back of an alleyway, shattered before his eyes like a fine, spun glass feather.

The culprit had already left the scene, the cold, damp, eerie scene of broken up metal scraps littering the ground. Ed ran forward, searching frantically through the metal, his heart clenched as though held in the tight grip of some invisible being.

It beat faster and harder than Ed knew was possible, as he found what he had been looking for: an alchemy circle, cleanly cut in half. It was broken, and the spirit had left. Hot, salty tears streaked down his cheeks, his stomach was gnawing at his insides, as Riza and several military personnel ran around the corner, saw him, and came as fast as their weary legs would take them.

"Ed, what the hell are you do-" Riza saw the metal lying across the ground and immediately stopped talking. Pausing, she walked up behind Ed, and sat down beside him. He was grabbing his knees, muffled sobs escaping him every few moments or so. Riza hugged him for a moment, before he got up.

"Ed," Riza began, but was cut off as he ran, back to his room in HQ, back to the only place where he could be alone, and there wouldn't be anyone saying they understood his pain, or anyone to see the tears flowing from his red, bleary eyes.

Slamming the door, Ed walked inside of his dorm room, his muscles aching. He made his mind blank, thought of absolutely nothing. The tight, clenched feeling in his chest refused to leave, and Ed couldn't help but think of Al. He felt sick, ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet.

Out came the burger, pop, and everything he had eaten that day in rancid bile. He heaved two more times. Each time it was easier, and finally when Ed's stomach was empty, he flushed, and washed the acidic taste out of his mouth. It was about 1:00 in the morning, pretty much everyone was asleep when Ed crept along the hallways, finding his way to the dining room.

It was open all of the time, as was everywhere else in the HQ for light sleepers and etc. He walked up, and piled food on a plate, not even looking at what he put on. He ate, and then got seconds and ate some more; anything to try and fill the abyss that seemed to have suddenly appeared in Ed's stomach. Ed eventually stopped, his stomach hurt and felt slightly swollen as he walked back to his room.

He never really slept that night; it was a sort of semi conscious daze, perhaps just a light slumber. When he woke up, he realized he had slept in and got up. _Maybe if I get there right now the colonel won't notice,_ he thought to himself, before falling back on his bed. Al's bed was empty. Ed slumped back down on his bed, then got up and walked to the bathroom.

His stomach hurt, and Ed felt the heaviness of all the food he had eaten weighing down on him, he wanted to die. The black hole in his chest was still there, begging for the family never to be seen again. Ed pulled off his glove and reached in his mouth and down his throat. Pulling it back out quickly, he lurched, and once again flushed the toilet, only to go and lay down in bed.

He felt better somehow, lighter and calmer. He fell asleep, only waking up when someone could be heard banging on his door.

"Ed, what the hell are you doing in there, you've got work to do," came the annoyed voice of Roy. Ed pushed his face into his pillow to block out the noise; the world could be destroyed right now for all he cared. _His_ world already had been, so it didn't really matter anymore. Eventually Roy left, Ed didn't care where too, and Ed sat up on his bed. He watched it rain outside, cold, hard drops of water splashing and pounding on every surface they could get at.

Ed lay back down, his mind dulled to the outside world. Sleep overtook him after a while, and when he woke up it was dark out, nearing 8:00. Ed felt hungry. Hungry for anything, for everything, hungry for the pain to leave. He waited another hour before leaving to the cafeteria. Ed was on his second plate of food, stuffing it in his mouth as fast as he could manage.

The pain in his chest was deep, and his heart felt as though it had stopped beating. Ed's eyes watered, as he ate a bowl of rice, when a sudden noise caught his attention. Roy walking into the cafeteria, getting a glass of milk. It took him a moment to notice Ed, and it took Ed a moment to finish wolfing down a corn dog.

"Ed, where were you today, first lt. Hawkeye had to fill out your paperwork today," he said, attempting to sit down next to Ed. Ed had turned away his face, and got up, quickly walking away. "Ed, look at my face when I talk to you, or don't tell me your too short to see my face anymore," said Roy smirked, waiting for the explosion as he grabbed Ed's shoulder and spun him around.

Ed's eyes were watering, a tear dripped on the floor. He looked weak; frightened and frail. Roy was taken aback, he had never seen Ed like this, looking so fragile that if he were touched he might shatter. Ed turned and ran, leaving a confused Roy to stare after him until he turned a corner and was out of sight.

_Why'd he have to see me like this?_ Ed thought, locking his door and blinking back tears that swam in his vision. _Why cant I just die?_ He reached down his throat, not even bothering to take off his gloves.

Chapter 1: End

A/N: Read and review, I'll update when I find the muse.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks a lot for all the reviews! I didn't expect so many, I guess I'm not the only one who likes this fic. Ed cutting just seemed to cliché, I don't know. When I wrote this, it didn't seem too dark, it wasn't until I reread it a few days later that I almost cried. It's the same with this chapter, it doesn't seem real sad, but I still need to reread it later. Lastly, I just got back from kendo so my hands are sore, but lets see if I can manage to type.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

"Ed, can I come in?" came the muffled voice of first lt. Riza Hawkeye. Ed's throat was sore from crying, so he simply lay in bed. The door opened up a crack and the bright light from the hall shone in, as Riza walked inside.

She stared at Ed for a moment, before closing the door quietly and sitting down beside him on his bed. It was dark, the only light coming in through the cloudy, dark window. The raining had stopped, but it still felt just as miserable. "Ed, I'm sorry about the colonel, he didn't know what had happened and thought you were fine."

"…" Ed finally sat up on his bed, looking at Riza with large, golden eyes. They were red and swollen, and had dark rings underneath them. He somehow also looked thinner, but Riza decided to ignore that, he had always been slim. "I gave up my arm to keep Al on this world… and I'd have given up the other too if I'd had to."

"Ed, you can take as many days off as you want to help the sadness subside," Riza replied, "we can all pitch in to do your work fine, ok? Just be sure to eat something and get lots of rest."

Ed smiled weakly, "I think I'll be able to start coming in again tomorrow, thanks for taking care of everything while I was gone though."

Riza stared at him, before hugging him and getting up and leaving_. She looked sad, _Ed thought, _really sad. _ Ed felt his eyes watering again, and lay down. He wanted to eat so badly, his stomach hurt.

He tried to ignore the hot prickling sensation his cheeks were having, feeling the tears slide down in small drops and off of his nose, but after a while he couldn't stand it. He got up, his stomach clenching and unclenching, burning his insides, wiped the tears off of his face, and walked to the cafeteria.

Roy wasn't there this time, but it was later at night so Ed didn't think he'd come anyways. It was relieving, but in a small way, his heart burned harder, the hole in his chest getting wider, wanting more. He ate four platefuls of food at 12:46 in the morning. New record.

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Ed got up the next morning, his muscles cramped up and sore from doing practically nothing at all the past few days. He brushed his teeth, using an immense amount of mouthwash. No one could know what he'd been doing now. Tying up his hair in a braid, he got dressed, and stopped, considering whether he really had the strength to leave his room today. The room he and Alphonse had always shared, if he left it, it almost felt like abandoning the remnants of his brother again.

Ed stared at the bed, then walked out the door. He needed to get to the office; he had slept in that morning, and was feeling weak.

_I could just go down that hallway and stop to get something to eat,_ Ed thought, reasoning with himself_, then it wouldn't be so hard to face them all, and my stomach's completely empty._ He thought of Alphonse's empty bed, how he had left his room only moments before, the tears from the night before that he could almost feel crawling down his face, and ran down the hall to the cafeteria_. Everyone needs breakfast, right?_

He shoveled the waffles into his mouth, using both hands and not even caring who stared in disbelief as he got more. Eggs, waffles, bacon, pancakes, and orange juice all went down, and then, several moments later came back up. Ed pulled his hand out of his throat, leaning forwards at he felt the wave of nausea coming over him.

A couple minutes later, Ed pulled his gloves back on, rinsing out his mouth. He was now seriously late, but they couldn't blame him, they were all lucky that he had even decided to come in that day. _God, I need more mouthwash,_ thought Ed, spitting out the last of his mouthwash and walking back out the door.

He eventually walked into the office; everyone was knee deep in paperwork. It

took them all a moment to realize Ed was there, but none of them able to think of anything to say, they simply said a few hellos and got back to work. Hawkeye got up and handed Ed his work, smiling in a hopeful, semi-happy sort of way. A way that said 'I'm glad you were feeling good enough to come in, are you okay?'

He sat down and stared at his work, his throat was burning. Filling out paper after paper, Ed didn't really think. He could have sworn that that entire day was just a dream, not even real. Nothing seemed real anymore, other than the bursts of depression that would sometimes take over. It was all just like a bad dream; he just needed to wait until he woke up.

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"Ed, aren't you hungry?" asked Riza.

Ed stared at his plate. He was hungry, and finally began to eat. He finished a sandwich, drank a bit of soup, then got up and left. He could have eaten more; he could have eaten almost half the buffet, like he had the night before, but he made himself stop. As long as he didn't feel the gaping hole in his chest, he would be fine. Ed walked back into the office, and sat down to a pile of paperwork. He was the first one back from lunch, which suited him fine. The next one back was Mustang; he also sat down and immediately got to work, griping about Hawkeye pulling out her guns on him

"Ed," he said suddenly, "about yesterday…" Ed listened, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I, I'm sorry for-"

Don't 

"Calling you short-"

Don't say it 

"I didn't realize-"

Just stop talking right now, please 

"That your brother had… passed on." This, apparently, was supposed to make Ed feel better. But hearing it come from Roy, the words tumbling haphazardly out of his mouth, suddenly the dream was over. It shattered away, and suddenly life seemed a lot more real.

Ed got up, bile rising in his throat, and ran out the door. The reality tumbled down on him like a pile of large, sharp rocks dropped from a considerable height. His heart was being torn out and ripped up. Nothing could describe his feelings right now better than simply emptiness. Cold, frightening emptiness, that Ed only knew one way to try and fill. Eating, as long as he kept eating, he could feel full.

_Only a bit more if I only eat a bit more it'll leave. Only a bit more,_ thought Ed frantically, stuffing his face full of food in his closet. He finished eating a hamburger. It tasted salty. He finished eating a beef sandwich. It tasted salty. And as Ed bent down over the porcelain toilet bowl to force out all that he had just eaten, the first, second and third time, all he could taste was cold, bitter salt. Drops of salt, creeping down his face, that never seemed to stop.

A/N: …I'll update when I get the muse, probably next weekend. Anyone get why everything tasted salty? Oh well, please review and tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Hey, sorry I took so long to update, I have been quite busy lately. This chapter was at first uninspired, but after rewriting it a couple times, I think it turned out ok. And after rereading the last chapter a couple times, I realized, hey… that was super sad. Anyhow, here you go.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

"Roy, where's Ed?" Riza asked at the end of the day. He hadn't returned, and no one knew where he was.

"Hmm? Oh, I said sorry for calling him short when his brother had died and he just started crying and ran off, he's probably in his dorm room," he replied.

"Augh, men," Riza sighed, "you shouldn't have mentioned Al's death, Ed's really hurt right now and all you can think to do is bring it back up?"

"Guess I never really thought about it that way, but he'll be okay, right?" Roy replied. He had barely mentioned Alphonse, what was he supposed to do?

"Well, here," Riza replied, her expression darkened, "take this to him. He'll… appreciate it." She handed him a medium sized package wrapped in plain paper and tied at the top with twine. And without another word she walked out of the room.

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"Fullmetal? I'm coming in," Roy said through the door, as he opened it and walked in.

"I'm in the shower, give me a minute," Ed replied from the bathroom. Roy sat down on his bed, and waited several minutes before Ed came out. He had his black pants and undershirt on, but they seemed loose. Ed wasn't smiling; he hadn't truly smiled for days now.

"I was supposed to give this to you," Roy said as Ed sat down beside him. Roy had long held a soft spot for Ed, and it was hard to see him like this. Ed took it hesitantly, unwrapping it carefully so as not to rip any of the parchment. It was a large wooden box, gleaming in the dim light coming in from the window. Ed opened it, and stared the contents. Then he shut it gently and passed it back to Roy.

"What is it?" asked Roy cautiously.

"…Take a look for yourself." Ed didn't smile. His face was gloomy and worn, darkened by rings under his eyes you could only really notice in such dim light. Roy eased open the box, lifting the lid. Inside were hundreds, perhaps thousands of pieces of shattered steel. The remnants of a certain suit of armor.

"What'll you do with it?" Roy asked after a long silence.

"I'm going back to Resemble, our old home," Ed replied, staring at the floor, "the Rockbells have agreed to help me hold a funeral there. We're going to bury him next to mom." This comment only served to replenish the pity Roy felt, as it reminded him of Ed's lack of any family whatsoever now. He was truly alone in the world.

"Ed," Roy said, "I… don't know what to say."

"…Yes, no one seems to," Ed replied, "no one knows what to say anymore." His voice choked, the loneliness and sadness echoing throughout his entire being, clear as day. He tried to say something, but was unable to. His body shook, and Roy knew he was fighting back tears.

Roy did the only thing he could think of at that moment and put his arm around Ed's shoulder, hugging him. Ed leaned into him, tears finally claiming his cheeks as he let go of all restraint and began to cry wholeheartedly, his tears soaking Roy's uniform. He sobbed, reliving everything that had happened that night. Outside it rained, thunder ringing throughout the air.

Ed couldn't stop the tears, and Roy simply sat next to him, holding him close in an attempt to comfort him. Finally when Ed had few tears left to cry, he got hold of himself and managed to cry them silently. Roy left a few minutes later, not having the slightest idea of what he should have done. In his opinion, there was little he could have done; in fact there was little that he could really do to help him now.

Back in Ed's room, he pulled on his coat and washed the tears off of his face. He was headed to the kitchen. He found it fairly easy to purge and binge several times a day now, simply walking out of the room or saying he needed to use the bathroom both worked fine. Almost no one was in the cafeteria when he went, they were busy with work and the cooks couldn't care less, they were already feverishly cooking the next meal.

Ed walked to the kitchen, all of the feelings he had now were jumbled up, so many and all so confusing he could barely tell one from the other. But with eating he felt full, almost warm and loved again. He could control it; it was the only thing he could control anymore. Without a second thought, or even an ounce of regret he stuffed his face. He could control it, right?

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"Ed, aren't you hungry? You've barely eaten any lunch at all," Riza asked. Ed had very little food on his plate; only taking small sips of soup or water every so often.

"Oh, I'm fine, just not hungry right now. I had… a big breakfast," Ed replied, gritting his teeth. 'It isn't really a lie,' he thought, trying to reason with his feelings of betrayal, 'I ate more than I could bare this morning.' Ed got up and walked away, his stomach grumbling discomfortingly. He couldn't begin really eating in front of everyone. If he started he wouldn't be able to stop himself, not until his body could no longer take it and forced back out everything he had eaten. He wanted to eat so badly… but his stomach hurt, cramps wracking throughout it. Ed could wait; just tell them he needed a bit of alone time. Yes, alone time. That wasn't a lie either, just not the whole truth. He did need alone time after all… alone time in his closet with the chips. And dip. And sandwiches, burritos, sushi, and anything else he could sneak from the kitchen.

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"Scar can kill me for all I care, I've already bought my ticket and I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Ed, Scar's still on the loose and he's still trying to track you down. If you must go back to Resemble you'll have to take an escort," Hawkeye objected.

"What? I'm going back and you can't stop me," Ed yelled back, his temper raging.

"I'll take him," Mustang interjected finally. And all was silent with either disbelief or incredulity. "I'll go with and keep an eye on him, and then he can have the burial, is everyone happy?"

Ed's heart skipped a beat, why would Mustang offer to do this for him? He could just have easily ignored the argument, but he offered his time to help Ed out.

"That way I'll get a break from work," Roy continued nonchalantly, "why do you look so surprised Ed? I'm not _that_ cold hearted."

'Should have known,' Ed thought, a deep resentment burning in his chest. But he was happy Roy was coming with, smiling at the thought. '…Why am I so happy the man who's made my life miserable is coming with? Oh well, who cares, at least I'm going home for a while. Yes, home at last.'

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Ed finished packing early the next morning, he didn't have long until his cab arrived and took him to the train station. He managed to fit in a couple morning binges, before leaving with Roy.

Ed looked up into Roy's deep black eyes, looking down a moment later. Maybe Roy did care, and wasn't here just to torment him and avoid work. Ed's stomach lurched, even as it was empty. Ed coughed, covering his mouth so that Roy couldn't smell his putrid breath.

His throat burned, and Ed felt something come out of his mouth, liquid and quick. Ed looked at his hand; it was covered in deep velvety blood. Ed gasped, quickly making it sound like a sneeze so as not to attract Roy's attention. He pulled off his now red gloves, stuffing them in his pockets quickly, and felt more blood filling his mouth with a disgusting metallic taste.

"Ed, you look pale, sure you're okay for this long of a trip?" Roy asked, looking over as Ed struggled not to cough up more blood. Ed swallowed down the last of the blood and looked up, meeting Roy's gaze.

"I'll be fine, I'm just, just tired," Ed said shakily, feigning a yawn. Luckily for Ed, they had just arrived at the train station, and Roy wouldn't have any more time to interrogate him. Grabbing their luggage, Roy and Ed boarded the train, and seated themselves after finding some empty seats in the back.

Roy studied Ed, he did look slightly sickly. But that may have just been the after effects of Al's death; things like these took their toll. He also seemed distant, calm in an odd way as he settled down in his seat. He had been like that a lot recently, most likely denial or something of the sort. Or maybe not.

"I, need to go to the bathroom," Ed said, getting up and walking to the lavatory. Once inside he pulled out his gloves and washed them in the freezing sink water. Luckily the blood was still wet and pretty much all of came out. Ed washed the remainder of the blood out of his mouth, his throat stung. But the stinging would go away, it always did. Ed's pockets had spots of blood on the insides from his gloves, but that could be washed later. For now, Ed had to focus on not losing control of his eating. As long as he didn't feel too emotional he could stay calm. That would be hard, but he could probably pull it off. Hopefully.

A/N I would keep going, but I'm too tired, I need to go to sleep. Oh well, this chapter is quite long anyways, so I feel no guilt. R&R, I'll update when I once again find the muse. Sigh, I'm sorry, I'm not very good at romance, but I'm trying, it's hard! Thanks for all the reviews, they keep me writing! Damn, I have tons of homework…


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Hello! This chapter is not as long as usual, I'm sorry! Thanks again to all of my reviewers, you make me want to update! Also, I have a new hat, I love it! On a completely different note, I must warn you all. I am utterly horrible at romance, it is my main source of writer' block and frustration. But I'm trying! Give me a break, it's tough! On another note, I have nothing against cutting fics. In fact I love cutting fics! I originally was going to make a cutting fic; it's just that I decided against it in the end. I like my fics to be as original as I can make them, so I used this instead. It suited me and my writing style better as well. Thanks again for the reviews, well, here you go!

Roy walked into Ed's room. He was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Ed, how are you?"

"Crappy." Ed sat up; his eyes were dim and weary looking. Roy walked over, sitting down next to him. "Ed, I have to tell you something."

"What?" Roy could resist no longer. Leaning forwards he kissed Ed on the mouth gently. Ed gasped, unable to believe what was happening. The colonel, and him? Roy's tongue fought with Ed's, as the force of the kiss increased.

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Ed finished washing out his mouth; there was no more blood. After one final check in the mirror to make sure he looked normal, Ed walked back to his seat in front of Roy. Roy on the other hand was asleep, drool dripping steadily from the corner of his mouth. 'Probably dreaming of something perverted,' mused Ed, before sitting back to watch the scenery flash by.

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Ed paused, pulling back from the kiss. He shook Roy's shoulder. "What's wrong Ed?" Roy asked, what was the hold up?

"Roy, you've got to wake up," Ed said in an angry voice.

"What?"

"Wake up already, this is our stop!"

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"Wake up already, this is our stop!" Ed yelled at Roy, shaking him into consciousness.

"You shouldn't wake people up in the middle of good dreams," Roy said, glaring at Ed for a moment.

"Come on already, we've got to get off the train," Ed yelled, as Roy, now fully conscious, got up and lazily followed Ed out the door.

After getting their luggage, they began to hike off towards Aunt Pinako's. Mustang was amazed at what a small town Ed lived in, everything was so calm, and peaceful. Everyone knew one another, and it seemed everyone they passed knew Ed.

"So, still with the military?" asked one of the men working in the fields, "Always knew you were good at that alchemy stuff, just like your father. Why've you come back so suddenly, broke your arm again?"

"Nope, it's family business," Ed replied with a small smile.

Ed walked on casually, as Roy noticed something. For the first time in quite a while, he was smiling. Not a very big smile, or one filled with joy, but a contented smile nonetheless. Ed felt wave after wave of old feelings and memories washing over him with every step. How could he have stayed away from here for so long? It was the type of peace and quiet he now craved. Solitude, and welcome ness. And yet it was a bittersweet feeling, sorrows mixing in with the rest of his feelings. Memories of Alphonse plagued him nonstop since he arrived, and his stomach was doing back flips.

Ed stepped back. "What's wrong?" Roy asked, as Ed keeled over in pain. His stomach burned, he could see a young Alphonse smiling at him. Ed got up, running as fast as his legs would take him. He crouched down behind a grove of trees, it was too much. The memories were pressing in on him, too many feelings to describe. He was suffocating, gasping for air.

"Ed?" Roy said in a panic stricken voice, as he found Ed on his knees, wiping his mouth. Ed looked down, it was the few remains of the small lunch he had had on the train, stained with a deep red liquid. He jumped up at the sound of Roy's voice; kicking dust over the blood in what he hoped was a casual way to cover the blood.

"I'm fine, just ate a bit too much on the train for lunch, you slept through it remember?" Ed said, swallowing deeply.

"Ed, are you sure you're alright? You were just sick," Roy said, staring at the puddle on the ground behind Ed. Something wasn't right here.

"I'll be all right, let's just get to the Rockbell's, it's getting dark," Ed replied, walking away, trying to distract Roy from the now visible blood on the ground. Roy followed Ed; there was little else he could do. But he was worried, Ed wasn't feeling as well as he said, and Roy knew it. He would have to wait and see what happened.

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"Ed, I'm glad you got here all right, come in," said Pinako, opening the door widely.

"This is Colonel Mustang, the guy I told you would be coming with me," Ed said once they were inside, gesturing towards Roy.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Pinako Rockbell, and of course this is Winry," Rinako explained, as Winry came in the room.

"Ed, you're finally here!" she said in surprise, looking up from some scrap metal she was tinkering with. "We kept your room exactly the same since you left, and added a bed for the colonel."

"Thanks, it's nice to be with fam-" Ed started, choking on a hidden sob, "it's… nice to be with friends again. Well, it's been a long trip, so I think we'll catch up on some sleep," Ed finished, smiling again. He picked up his luggage and showed Roy to their room.

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"They seem quite nice," Roy commented after a few moments silence.

"Yes, they took me and Alphonse in after our mother died when we were young," Ed said. He stopped talking; it was too hard to speak. Too hard to remember. So he simply lay down to go to sleep. Seeing no use in staying up, Roy eventually followed suit. Ed slept better than usual that night, he didn't even wake up again until midnight.

A/N Gasp, Ed is feeling super sick. Gotsta stop here for now, please, please review! If you do I will love you. I'll try to update next weekend, but it may be sooner or later, I don't know. I am romantically challenged! Forgive me! Lastly, I am most likely going to change this fic to a Mature rating, due to later… lemony stuff. And all the blood and puking and etc. Well, good night!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N In this chapter, there is an appearance of a new character you never expected. Or maybe you did, I don't know. Anyhow, just read it.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, gimme' a break…

When Ed got up the next morning, the sun had already risen, bathing the land in light. Ed had gotten up and binged only twice last night, he figured he was doing pretty good for all the memories flowing back to him. His home, his beloved, and at the same time hated, home. He pulled on his pants and shirt and left his room for breakfast. Roy wasn't there when he woke up, he was probably already awake.

Winry came running up, heading Ed off as he went to the kitchen. "Ed, I've been looking for you," she started, "there's a… surprise for you in the kitchen, so be prepared. Granny set it all up last night it seems, so I didn't know until just now." Ed had no idea what to think, a surprise?

"Wow Winry, think you could be any more vague?" He asked sarcastically, as she led him into the kitchen.

"Hello Ed."

"T… Teacher?" Ed said, stunned, as he saw Izumi sitting at the table, sipping a cup of tea. "What, why… when did you get here?" He asked, sitting down across the table from her.

"This morning, I only just heard about Alphonse," She replied, stirring the tea leaves around in her cup, "you should have told me sooner."

"Yeah well, I've been pretty… busy lately." Ed served himself a couple sunny side up eggs with toast. He started to wolf it down, instinct taking over. Looking up, he saw Izumi staring at him, and realized how fast he was eating. Swallowing, he took as much control over himself as he could, taking smaller bites and chewing them thoroughly. "I haven't eaten anything since yesterday's breakfast, I," Ed explained, thinking quickly, "I, got motion sickness on the train."

"Take more then. I've already eaten, what have I told you about taking care of your body?" Izumi said, her demeanor was quite calm, but also quite grave.

"To train the mind you must train the body," Ed replied, dishing up more food, "I do my best. So, you're here for the funeral?"

"Yes, I was told it's today," she stated. Ed simply nodded.

"Do you know where Roy is?"

"The man who came with you? I think he left to go to town for something earlier this morning."

Ed got up. The funeral would be in a couple of hours, nothing was really set in stone. It was just the quiet gathering of family and friends, no one else had been invited. He piled more food onto his plate, before taking it and walking back to his room. If anyone were able to catch on to his habit, it would be her. Ed sat down on his bed, stuffing his face with food. It felt so good now, he couldn't believe he used to hate the burning of his throat, his watering eyes, it was all just another part of his routine now. Ed stopped eating for a moment, he was almost done. But his stomach was already churning, he could feel nausea swooping over him. Jumping up, he ran to the bathroom, the door was closed. "Hello?" he asked frantically, knocking on the door.

"I'm in here, just wait another minute or so," came Izumi's voice. Ed swallowed back the sick rising in his throat, if he could only keep it back a little longer he would be fine. Izumi opened up the door a little while later, but a moment too late. Ed was on his knees, his partially digested breakfast spilling across the laminate wood floor. "Ed?"

Ed felt relief washing over him, he was so soothed to be empty from the weight. But it was marred with panic, as Izumi came out. "I, I think I ate too much too quickly," Ed said nervously. "I'll lay down for a while, I want to feel well as I can during the… the funeral."

Izumi frowned, grabbing Ed's arm and pulling him up off of his knees. "That man, Colonel Mustang was it?" she asked. Ed nodded weakly, Izumi's grip was uncomfortably tight. "He said that you had been sick after the train ride. Are you sure you're alright?" Something in her voice was wrong. They both knew she was asking more than what she had said.

"I will be, I'm just tired, and haven't been well lately. It's nothing to worry about," Ed replied, as he tried to loosen her iron grip. His attempts all ended in vain.

"Ed, I'll help you back to bed," Izumi said, walking Ed back into his room. Ed was nervous; Izumi gently helped him into bed. "Winry!" Izumi yelled down the hall. A reply in the distance could be heard, before several moments later, Winry arrived at the door.

"Winry, Ed isn't feeling well. Do you think you could clean up the hallway?" Izumi asked calmly. "I'm going to see if I can figure out if he's eaten anything _rotten_ lately that could have caused this, so please leave us alone for a while." Her voice was hard and determined, and Winry nodded in slight confusion. She closed the door and left to clean up. "Now Ed, down to business. Eaten anything bad?"

She pulled down the blankets in Ed's bed and pulled up his shirt. Ed didn't have time to stop her; all he could do is see what happened. His chest was muscular, but thin. Izumi could have counted his ribs with ease if she had wanted to, the thought and realization of her fears sickened her.

"I thought so, you've lost weight. There's no doubt about the fact that you've lost a lot of weight. Edward, I know what you're going through. You feel like your chest has been ripped open, and your heart has been torn out. Loss, and emptiness take over. And the worst feeling you can possibly have at this time, is also inevitable, and must be accepted. The fact that there is nothing you could have done then, and there is nothing you can do now. Go to the funeral, and take care of yourself, some day soon, someone will come into your life and once again give it meaning." Izumi got up and walked out the door, closing it gently behind her. The handle clicked and Ed simply sat to think about this. He could hear her outside the door, talking to Winry.

"He's got a bit of the flu, but he'll be fine after some rest," came Izumi's muffled voice. "Don't worry about it, I think he'll be fine in an hour or so, so we can still have the funeral."

Ed lay on his back staring at the ceiling. Thanks Izumi, he thought dully. Eaten anything bad lately? Not really, the only thing that had been bad was the incident. Al's death, it was too big of a pill for Ed to swallow, he couldn't take it. And he knew Izumi was right, the greatest factor that was eating away at him was that he could do nothing. No matter how smart he was, no matter how skilled, the universe had its own plans, and he could do nothing. Utter helplessness overcame him, unlike any before, and he pushed his face into his pillow. And he cried.

A/N I'm really tired, I'll update in a week or two. Also, my favorite hat is missing; if any of you have seen it, please tell me! As always, review and I will love you!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N good news! I found my hat. That, paired with the many wonderful reviews I received, thank you very much, made me happy beyond belief. So, I typed up this, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

"Ed," Roy said gently, shaking his shoulders, "Ed, wake up."

Ed's eyes opened, and he sat up sluggishly. "What is it? Was going on," he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Ed, the service starts in a few minutes, you need to get up and dressed now," Roy replied, getting up from the chair he had moments before been sitting in.

"You mean the funeral," Ed sighed, getting out of bed and pulling on his coat.

Roy paused, then nodded, a grave silence piercing the humid air. Ed tugged on his shoes, and then followed Roy out the door. They walked in silence, not an awkward silence, but a comfortable one. Neither of them had anything to say, and so silence ensued. "We'll be there in another minute or so," Ed commented blandly, "Listen, Colonel, well… thanks for coming with me."

"It's my pleasure," Roy smiled slightly. He had just thought of the perfect short joke right now, but he didn't say it. Ed was too hurt right now, so instead he settled with, "You don't have to be so formal Ed, you can call me Roy here."

"Ok," Ed replied, "I just wasn't really sure…"

"Don't worry, Ed, you treat me like I'm some sort of egomaniac," he laughed "But we're not at work so I guess it's ok."

Ed did, in fact, think of Roy as a psychotic egomaniac, with no greater joy than getting a promotion, no matter the price. Other than, of course, calling him short. Now he thought about it, this was one of the first times Ed had of Roy as human… he had always pictured him more like some sort of parasite. "Sure, Roy."

They came round a bend in the road, to find a grave sight. Alphonse's tomb was already slated; they had buried the remains of his armor. Ed and Roy proceeded soundlessly, to join Winry, Pinako, and Izumi. A priest stood waiting with an open bible. He started talking about Al's life, and tons of other random stuff.

Most of it was religious crap, the two brothers had of course never believed in god. Scientists didn't believe in improvable theories like god, it simply made no sense. This man never even knew Al, how could he try to talk about him? He couldn't even scratch the surface of his life. He didn't even realize that Al had spent a good part of his far too short life as a soul bonded to armor. Of course, that had been Ed's fault. Everything Al went through for being in that state was Ed's fault, it was so unfair…

And the service was over. The priest stood in front of the grave, gave his last respects, and had to leave. Ed stared, Al's grave was beside his mother's, Al had always missed her. At least now they could be together, wherever they were. Roy stepped forward, hesitated nervously for a moment, before laying down a bouquet of charcoal black roses. He stepped back, and, in turn, everyone else stepped forward to say a few words on their relationship with the deceased. And as soon as it had started, it was over. Ed felt empty, Izumi was right. His chest had been ripped open, and his heart had been torn out.

"It's getting late, we should head back," Winry said, looking towards the setting sun. It glowed, giving the sky a splash of red and gold, but on the other side of the sky, darkness crept over, little by little. They started to trudge back, but Ed stayed put. He sat down in front of the grave. He looked like he might cry, but he didn't. He had no more tears to use up, he'd already cried earlier. Roy took a step back, but Izumi grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Roy, is it? Leave him be. That boy's lost the most important thing he could in this world, he's under a lot of pressure and stress, and if we put on any more, he might just break under the load," she said solemnly, "you like him right?"

"What?" Roy didn't know what to say, what did she mean?

"I hope that you, as a close friend, can help him out," she proceeded, "in this time of trial. I sound like that preacher right now, don't I?" Roy laughed nervously; Izumi was kind, but also a bit frightening. "Well, just remember. He's still young, and youth can't be expected to last under such circumstances as he is in for long. I can't follow him, I have my own agenda, but I'm hoping you'll help him. Keep him out of trouble for me, make sure he doesn't get any unhealthy addictions."

Roy nodded, and Izumi sighed, letting go of his collar. They walked back, the only noise being that of the crickets. It was dark by the time they got back, and everyone went back to what they normally did. Half of an hour later, they began getting ready for bed, all except Roy.

"You shouldn't worry so much, he'll come back when he's ready," Pinako reassured him. But Roy pulled on his coat.

"I'm going to go get him, don't stay up waiting for me," he muttered, striding out the door. Izumi sipped her tea, watching nonchalantly.

"Well, I've seen all I need for one day, I'm heading to bed," she yawned, getting up. The situation made sense now; she could trust this Mustang guy, at least for the time being.

"Yeah, we've got a big job tomorrow grandma, we should get some sleep," Winry agreed, adjusting her pj's. Pinako stared out the window as Roy disappeared in the distance. She smiled, then proceeded to turn out the lights and get ready for bed, remembering to leave the door unlocked.

Roy walked down the dirt road, staring at the sky. The stars were so bright; you never got to see them like this in the city. It was nice, so very peaceful. Roy stopped and looked ahead, he was finally here. Ed sat at the back of the tombstone, doing something to it. Roy walked quietly behind him. Ed had etched the symbol of the Elric brothers, the snake twining around a cross with wings and crown, on the back of the stone. He was just finishing the crown, with a pocketknife.

"What're you doing here?" Ed asked, in a bored, dull sort of voice.

"Nothing really, just looking at the stars," Roy replied, sitting down next to Ed. "Want to go for a walk?" Ed didn't answer, he simply stared at the stone as he finished the last tip. He blew off the excess dust, wiping the finished product with his sleeve.

He simply looked at it; no emotions crossed his face for a long time. "Sure."

They both stood up, stretching out. The night air was crisp and cool, as they began walking down the path. It wasn't the way back to Pinako's, it was just some random path they started walking down. The only noise remained that of crickets for a long time.

"Ed, so how are you doing?" Roy finally asked, looking down from the sky to Ed's face. Ed flushed slightly, but no one could tell in the dark.

"Alright I guess," he replied, "I've been better."

Roy smiled, "I remember how I felt after the Ishbal rebellion. I thought I would die of misery, I once tried to kill myself." Ed looked up in surprise.

"Really?"

"I had the gun in my mouth, I was one step away from pulling the trigger. But a good friend of mine stopped me at the last minute. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to when he left, Hughes hadn't been there so he couldn't truly understand. I became a severe alcoholic, it took me a long time to get over it," Roy said, he could remember the pain of it all, clear as day. They both stared up at the sky, bathed in moonlight.

"I could never do it," Ed sighed, looking back down at the ground as they continued to walk forward.

"Never do what?"

"I could never make it up to Al. For everything I put him through, making him have an armored body, I always felt guilty. Every bite of food I took, every time I felt warmth or cold, I remembered that Al couldn't have that. I worked so hard to try and pay off my debt to him by finding the philosopher's stone to turn him back to normal, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore," Ed replied, kicking a pebble on the ground, "And before I could help him, before I could give him the life he deserved, in a true body of his own, he died. Looking frantically to help me." Ed kept walking, but his shoulders were shaking. Roy looked down, Ed was crying. They both stopped walking. Ed felt so foolish, but he couldn't stop. "Why couldn't it have been me?" he whispered.

Roy pulled Ed into a hug. Ed cried, it was the second time Roy had held him as he cried. Ed regained control over his emotions much quicker this time, letting go of Roy's coat and wiping his eyes on his sleeve only a few minutes later. His eyes felt puffy.

"It's okay to be sad, or to feel guilty Ed," Roy said, "it's human. We're all merely human in the end, so it's foolish to try and ignore human things, like emotions." And Roy realized that it really _was_ stupid. It only hurt yourself to hide everything, and it always would. And so, with the moon and the peaceful night sky as the only witnesses, Roy bent down and softly kissed Ed.

A/N aw, what a sweet chapter. Also quite sad and crappy, but oh well. I ate peppermint ice cream while typing this, it's my favorite ice cream ever! My brother ate a bunch of my limited edition peppermint ice cream, when I found out I screamed at him, cried, and disowned him as my brother. **I have no brother**. So, as a note to you all, don't take my ice cream or chocolate. Or I will kill you. As always review and I will love you. I demand at least **8** reviews before I type up the next chapter; I'm feeling rather malicious since the ice cream incident. Happy Holidays!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N This chapter is smarmy crap. So if you have a mind that is not yet rotted by my fan fiction or insane, don't read this. Not really a lemon, just some random stuff I put in, hoping it would turn out good. I told you all I still need a whole lot of work on my romance scenes, so here's your proof, sigh. Well, anyhow, here you go.

Disclaimer: Don't own FMA, and never will. Don't sue me, I'm poor and could only pay you in ramen and lint. Unless you for some reason want to steal my ramen and lint, in which case I would, in return, devour your soul. That'd teach you not to take my lint and ramen.

Roy pulled away; he couldn't believe he'd done that. "Listen Ed, I can explain, it's just," Roy started, fumbling for words. Ed put up a hand, gesturing for him to stop talking. Even in this light, they could both see how red his face was, it glowed in a Rudolph-esk kind of was.

"Roy, please just no more talking," he said, staring into his eyes. He leaned on tip toes and kissed Roy back. It made no sense, how could it be that he felt this way for, for Roy? But, Ed thought, sense Alphonse left, nothing made any sense to him anymore, so he might as well do what felt right, not what made sense.

"Yeah?" Ed said, after pulling away, "Well what would you say if I told you that I've recently had more feelings for you than I think the military would allow me?" They kissed again, before heading back.

They were getting near the house again, before another word was mentioned. "It's really nice here Ed, so peaceful and quiet," Roy said, "You can never hear crickets chirping in the city, just cars rushing past."

"Yeah," Ed replied, "But I still can't wait to get back."

"Why?" Roy asked. How could anyone leave such a tranquil place for the city?

Ed's brow furrowed. "Too many memories," he said bitterly, "I need to get out of here before I go insane. We're here."

They were indeed now standing in front of the Rockbell's house. Roy stopped, and Ed followed suit after noticing this.

"Ed," Roy said, "If you ever need someone to, to really talk too, I'll always be there. I know I would have wanted someone to talk too after my time in Ishbal."

Ed's face was bathed in moonlight, it was probably past midnight. "Sure thing," he smiled. They looked in each other's eyes, their lips making contact once more. But this time, the moon and night sky were not the only witnesses.

Ed and Roy opened the door quietly, sneaking up the staircase back to their room. "Ed, go on without me," Roy said, stepping back a bit, "I need to use the john." Ed nodded, and continued forward, while Roy went back to do his business. He was walking back out and sneaking towards the room on silent feet, when a door swung open and he was pulled in violently by the collar. Roy was about to yell out, but a hand covered his mouth as the door swung shut.

Roy pulled away, looking behind him and gasping for air. "Izumi, what the hell are you doing?" he whispered exasperatedly, as she sat back down on her bed.

"I didn't want you to yell," she replied simply, "Roy, come sit down with me." She gestured to a spot beside her on the bed. Roy got up and hesitantly walked over to the bed, sitting down. She smiled at him; her dress was hitched up on one side, flashing her lower thigh. She had quite a nice figure, but Roy couldn't stop thinking about Ed. "Roy, if you want you could take me right now," she offered, still smiling, "no one would have to know." She pulled up her dress, revealing more leg, and looked at him meaningfully. Roy's voice caught in his throat; what was Izumi doing? She'd always ignored him to an extent, but this, this was not like her at all, and even he knew it.

"Izumi, what," he stuttered, "What are you doing?"

"Really?" she looked disappointed, "I'd think you'd get this all the time. Roy, how clear do I have to make it?" she fiddled with the buttons on front of her dress, the top two opening to reveal more of her breasts, both beginning to fall out of her top.

"Izumi," Roy gaped, as she leaned closer, looking seductively into his eyes.

"You know you want too," she said, in a low, sexy voice, "don't you?"

"Yes, but," Roy caught himself, "No, Izumi we can't."

"I thought you were single," she replied, more of her buttons beginning to loosen and threatening to give way, you could almost see her nipples now. "Really, no one will find out," she cooed, "not Pinako, not Winry, and not any of your military lap dogs. What else is there to worry about?"

"There's," Roy looked frantically about. He would have done her in a minute on normal circumstances, but something held him back. "There's… Ed."

"I thought you were merely close friends earlier," she said, straitening up and buttoning up her top. "But it seems you proved me otherwise tonight."

"How did you see us?" he asked.

"That's the thing about houses," she said, pulling back down her dress, "they have windows. So that's why you didn't except my offer?"

"Yeah," Roy replied, still not entirely sure what to think of the situation.

"I'm glad," she smiled, now fully clothed, "After I saw you and Ed, I had to know how loyal you were planning to be."

"So all of that was just a test?" Roy sighed in relief.

"Yes, you passed," she smiled, but soon her expression became one of seriousness. "Roy, you love each other don't you? I was the only one to see your little kiss out there, but I hope you'll be ready for the consequences of your actions. That's equivalent exchange after all, and you've got to be ready to dish out as much as you get in. Ed's probably waiting for you, you should get back too him now. And Roy, Ed's going through a hard time right now. He is confused on what to do, and he's not able to understand and except the world as it is any longer. His emotions are in utter turmoil, so I normally wouldn't want you to make any advances on him, but, seeing how well this all turned out, simply treat him well. You hurt him, I hurt you, okay?"

Roy nodded nervously, backing up too the door. "Izumi, goodnight," he whispered, creaking it open and stepping out.

"You too," she replied. She smiled, she was glad for Ed. He deserved someone good to help him through his rough times, now that Al was gone.

"Wait, Izumi, what would you have done if I failed the test?" Roy pondered.

"I would have given you the best sex you're likely to ever have," she replied. Roy cursed his love of Ed, why did he have to have such an annoying conscious? "Not really, I actually would have just beat the crap out of you, then forbade you from ever seeing Ed again," she laughed, "And Roy? I suggest you get rid of that hard on before going to bed, Ed might start asking questions."

Roy slammed the door shut.

A/N Please keeps reading after this chapter, I'll try to make it better. I kept rewriting it, but this is the best I could get it, sigh. Not sure why I even added that Izumi part, but I thought she would be worried about Ed, so I just typed that up on a whim. Also, thanks a lot for the ice cream yaoifan555! And thanks to all of my reviewers, 10 reviews at least for the next chapter! Goodnight, and happy holidays!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Not my most story filled chapter, but it's okay. I finally updated, I had to take a vacation from typing for a while, my creativity was zapped. This pretty much is just the train ride, so read. I really decided I should start typing again when I got that review from bazooka lady over there who threatened me, I know I have to hurry up when people start swearing or sending threats in their reviews. Well, here you go! Also, see if you can notice anything different about this chapter that came to me in a stroke of inspiration in a dream.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, and you keep away from my ramen and lint!

Ed and Roy left the next morning, before anyone else awoke. Pinako was the only one to watch as they walked away in the darkness, hand in hand. "Are you sure it's okay to just leave like this?" Roy asked, it was quite sudden.

"Yeah. We did it the first night we left, I don't think I could last much longer around any of them," Ed replied in a muffled voice. They continued to walk towards the train station.

-Ice Cream-

"Hmm?" Roy said, snapping back to reality, "Right. What'd you get?" Ed handed him a sandwich, the cheese, the bottle of wine, and a glass for it. "They let you buy alcohol?" Roy asked.

"Guess so, not like I'm the one who's gonna drink it though, so what difference does it make?" Ed replied, snapping open his soda. It fizzed pleasantly in his mouth when he drank it. Roy shrugged, pouring out a glass of wine for himself. They sat and ate in silence, staring at the passing scenery. "I can't believe you slept for the last three hours," Ed mused. Roy really slept too much on train rides.

Roy shrugged, it wasn't his fault they were so boring. Ed took small bites from his sandwich, chewing each thoroughly before swallowing, he wanted to eat the rest, he wanted to shove them all down his throat right now. But he couldn't, he waited. They were safely hidden in his pockets, as far as Roy knew; he'd only bought two. "I need to go to the bathroom," Ed said quietly, getting up and walking away. Roy watched him, noticing his pockets were bulging slightly.

Ed went into one of the bathroom stalls, pulling down the lid and sitting on it. He pulled the three other sandwiches out of his pockets and forced them all down in quick succession. He still felt empty, but less so. He gulped down his soda, it burned his eyes and nose drinking it so fast, but that was ok, it made it a lot easier to puke drinking carbonated drinks beforehand. He pulled up the seat, he didn't have to reach down his throat, the soda had done its job. Ed heaved, it felt so good, and it wasn't bad, like smoking or drinking. It was just eating, right? Puking is natural for the body, so that was okay too, he was just using it to help him cope.

Ed flushed the toilet; he didn't feel as much pressure as before. It had stopped pressing in on him, and he could breath freely. Ed smiled, leaving the stall and going to the sink. He washed out his mouth, he didn't have any more mouthwash, but he still wanted to wash out the taste, and get rid of at least some of the smell. Ed looked in the mirror, he looked fine. Sure he was feeling tired a lot lately, but that was the depression, he just needed to exercise more.

He walked back to his seat, Roy was sipping wine. He probably already had a buzz from it; Ed remembered how he'd said he became an alcoholic. It must have been hard, Ed thought sadly, dealing with something that big, having blood on your hands. "Ed," Roy said as he sat down, "Why'd you take so long?"

"Oh, it was nothing," Ed replied, "Did you drink that entire bottle?"

"Of course not," Roy said, "Only a couple glasses. Ed, have you ever had wine?"

"No, I'm still underage," Ed said, Roy was definitely suffering under the influence of the alcohol.

"Try some," Roy said, handing Ed the glass. Ed shrugged, he didn't know why everyone loved alcohol so much, it couldn't be that great. He took a few sips, it was weird. It tasted like grapes, but it was warm when he swallowed it, it was nice. "You can have the rest, now you're in the military, you're no longer a child," he said, "But don't get too attached to it, you still have a few years before you can actually legally drink. People get drunk so they can forget, so that they don't have to deal with life's problems."

"Sounds nice," Ed said resentfully, taking another gulp.

"Not at all actually," Roy replied, "By drinking you only run from your problems, it's only a temporary answer. You'll have to face them eventually, and it's much easier to do that without a hangover." Ed smiled, Roy knew from experience. "Ed, I need to tell you something," he said.

"What?" Ed asked.

"Come closer," Roy replied. Ed leaned forward, Roy looked serious. Roy smirked, god how the authoress loves that smirk, and kissed Ed. He slipped in his tongue, intending to deepen the kiss, before pulling away. He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful "Ed, do you get motion sickness?" he asked casually.

"No, never have. I always take the train, how could I stand getting sick all the time?" Ed replied, slightly confused. Something was up.

"Hmm, because I remember you mentioning earlier after our train ride here that you sometimes got motion sickness on the train, remember? After you puked," Roy said calmly.

"Well, that is, only when I eat too much, but that barely ever happens so, I, forgot to, to mention it," Ed reasoned, searching for a way out.

"And you took quite a while in the bathroom, you were throwing up, weren't you?" Roy asked.

"No, no, it's just," Ed thought quickly, it must have been the kiss. Time to change stories. "Yes. I was throwing up in the bathroom," Ed sighed, looking away from Roy. "I've been feeling, sick, but I've tried to hide it, I had to go back for the funeral, no matter how I felt," Ed finished. Ed couldn't look him in the eyes, sorry Roy.

"So that's it, I was getting worried," Roy sighed in relief. It all made sense, he was glad Ed was okay. "You shouldn't pull stuff like that when you're sick, have you seen a doctor?"

"Yeah," with a great deal of effort Ed smiled, "I saw one before I left, I should be fine. At most another couple days, it's just the stomach flu." Ed was disgusted with how easily the words flowed out, how easily he could lie to Roy with how he felt about him. But he had a sinking feeling he'd have to do much more of it.

"Then get some rest, take the next couple days off," Roy replied, "You should listen to your teacher and take better care of yourself." Ed nodded, settling down to watch the scenery pass. His stomach bubbled, it was empty, but once he got back he could fill it. For now, he felt relaxed.

'But will you really recover that quickly?' Roy thought uneasily. He'd gone to see Ed's doctor just before leaving to see how he was, and it looked like the doctor hadn't seen Ed for at least a year. Ed was lying, and something bigger than stomach flu was wrong with him.

A/N Yes, did you notice the difference? Only happened once this chapter, but instead of IIIIIIIIIII I put –Ice Cream- as my divider. This is in memorial of my ice cream my brother ate, and a thank you for the reviewers who gave me ice cream. Back to the story, Roy's starting to catch on, Ed really walked into that one. Maybe it was the alcohol? Well, I'll update much sooner, five reviews at least for the next chapter! I didn't get 10 as requested last time, but updated anyways, but 5 is my new regular request, except for in special situations. The more reviews, the sooner the update, lets just say that. Well, later!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N Well, finally updated, please, please don't hurt me! I really have nothing to say right now, so here you are.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.

Ed walked out of the train, the ride hadn't been very long, but it still felt good to be up and about. Roy followed, he'd slept the majority of the way, but he still felt a little uneasy. Was Ed really sick? He would go to Hawkeye for help, she always liked Ed and she was smart. They both stepped into the cab waiting for them, and waited as it started up and they were driven back to HQ. "Ed, are you feeling alright?" Roy asked casually.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, lots better," Ed replied, looking down at his feet. "I'll just get a good night's sleep tonight, and I'll feel fine in the morning, it's nothing big."

"Your teacher is a very interesting person."

"Yeah, she helped me and, and Al out a lot when we were young." Ed gulped, he felt hungry. Sadness and depression really feels like hunger, he mused, it's like starving. Being surrounded with food, but rendered unable to take even the smallest bite of it. He had come to know the feeling quite recently, starving. Every time he ate as much as he could then puked it back up, he was starving. Quite ironic actually.

"Well, I'll see you later," Ed said, waving to Roy and walking back to his dorm room. Roy kept him from starving these past few days, but what would happen now? He would have work; maybe he wasn't really even serious about Ed. Ed lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, Al's bed still sat across the room; empty. And Ed fell asleep.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

"Hawkeye," Roy said, running after her as she walked down the hallway.

"Oh, colonel, you're back," she replied, turning around and waiting for him to catch up, "How was it?"

"It was a funeral, how do you think it was?" Roy said back, concealing a sigh.

"I expected you to stay longer, but, anyhow, did you want to see me about something?" Riza asked, stopping at the door to the office.

"I'm, well, lets just say I'm a bit worried about Ed," Roy sighed, "And you're the only person I could think to go to."

Riza was in the middle of opening the door when she stopped. "Edward? What's wrong with him, sir?"

"I think he may be sick, I don't know," Roy rubbed his temples, and followed Riza through the door to the office insides.

"What are the symptoms? It may be something else," Riza remarked, doing her best to disguise the worry in her voice. She had to think about this logically, it could be anything right?

"He's been… puking," Roy finally said, "lots."

"Did you ask him about it? Sounds like a stomach flu to me," Riza replied, relaxing slightly.

"Yeah, on the train ride back he went to the bathroom and took quite a while, and when he came back I, er, smelled it on his breath," Roy said nervously, "Then when I asked him, he said it was the stomach flu and that he'd seen his doctor before leaving, but wanted to go anyways. But I saw his doctor just before leaving, sounds like Ed hasn't seen him in at least a year."

"…How have his eating habits been lately?" Riza asked, looking up from her papers.

"He doesn't seem to eat much at all now that I think about it," Roy replied plainly, he hadn't really thought about it until now, "defiantly a lot less, sometimes none."

"I've noticed that lately too," Riza sighed, "I thought it was probably just the depression, but it may be a lot more serious. Go check on him daily will you? He could use the company, think of all the hours alone in his dorm room he has to spend now. And keep an eye on what he eats, check out anything suspicious. For now, that's all we can do, but tell me anything that might be important okay?" Roy nodded, it was a sound enough theory, and this meant more time to be with Ed.

He left to go do just that, walking down the hallways casually until he came to the room of the boy in question. The door was unlocked, so he opened it cautiously and let himself in. It was quiet, except for a small rustling noise. Like the soft whimpering of a mouse, or in this case, a young man. A young man, yet again curled up on bed, crying himself to sleep. "Ed?" he asked quietly into the darkness, the only light came from the window. It was cloudy out.

Ed jumped up, just noticing Roy's presence. He wiped his eyes hurriedly, pulling off his soft downy blankets and sitting up on the side of his bed. "Roy," his voice was horse at first, but then it became more clear, "Why're you here?" Roy sighed, closing the door and walking up to sit down next to Ed.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing Ed, you don't look too good," Roy replied after a brief silence. Ed grabbed a tissue to wipe his runny nose, smiling slightly.

"I've been better," he said, also taking a moment to answer, "Do I really look that bad?"

"Yeah," Roy said, "you want to come eat dinner?" Ed looked back down at his feet, and shook his head. "Come on Ed, aren't you hungry?"

"No, I ate after I came back," Ed said, "I'm just tired, I haven't really gotten much sleep lately."

"Alright, I'll come by later with a snack for you though okay?" Roy said, he was a bit worried. Ed nodded silently, still staring at his feet. Roy took this as his hint to leave, and got back up. He pulled Ed's face up, kissing him gently on the lips, before leaving. Ed looked so tired all of a sudden, he was almost afraid of hurting him with too strong of a kiss. Ed lay back down and curled back up into a snug little ball.

"I'm sorry Roy."

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"How was he?" Riza asked later, as she met Roy in the cafeteria.

"Doesn't look real good, he was crying when I came in," Roy sighed, remembering the sight of Ed curled up, shaking with sobs, "I asked if he wanted to come to dinner, but he said he was too tired, so I said I'd bring him something later."

Riza looked into the deep, sad expression in Roy's eyes. "So that's why you're here now?" He nodded in ascent. "Roy, you know you can trust me with anything right? That I'd never tell anyone a secret of yours?" Riza asked solemnly. Roy nodded again, looking up in slight confusion as he grabbed a roast beef sandwich and some juice. He couldn't remember any of Ed's food preferences other than his deep hatred of milk. "I need you to tell me something Roy. Are you in love with Ed?"

Roy did a double take at this point, had Riza just asked what he thought she had? "What?"

"I asked if you're in love with Ed," she repeated, "I can see it in the way you talk so sadly about him. I can see it in your eyes."

"Guess that's what thy call women's intuition eh?" Roy sighed, "Cat's out of the bag now I guess."

Riza smiled knowingly, patting Roy on the back. "He feels the same way doesn't he?" Roy nodded, man she was good! "Go take his food to him, and help him out alright?" Riza smiled, "I'm sure he would be glad to see you." She turned and left to go ponder over the many thought passing her mind. Roy shrugged, and grabbed the food to take it down to Ed's room.

When Roy came in, Ed was asleep. Roy wanted to wake him, but he was so tired before, it was best that he rested when he could. He put the sandwich and juice on Ed's bedside table and left, Ed would probably be up by midnight and be able to eat. He had gone to bed quite early, but now it was Roy's turn to get some sleep.

A/N Well, goodnight! I'll update when I find the time, at least 5 reviews please. Also, when I asked for 10 reviews I got 5 and when I asked for 5 I got ten. What is wrong with you people? Oh well, please just review, until next time!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Here's a nice long chapter for you. Also, I am proud to say that this fic is almost at 100 reviews, you guys are awesome! I hope we get there soon, Extra long chapter to celebrate the hundredth review! Whenever it comes of course, no pressure. Yes, none at all… –shifty eyes-

Disclaimer: Don't own it, go away.

Ed woke up later that night, he'd been so tired lately he could barely manage to get up in the mornings. He sat up, noticing a small plate of food on his bedside table, accompanied by a large glass of what looked like orange juice. Roy must have been here, why hadn't he woken Ed up? It was the middle of the night at earliest, Ed thought, flicking on a lamp.

The plate was stacked up with food, Ed's stomach grumbled noisily. Thanks Roy, Ed thought plainly, taking the plate gingerly. He took a bite of a sandwich, discovering to be turkey. He ate it all in moments, his stomach stretching and his eyes watering as he gulped down the juice as fast as he could. It would have been easier with a carbonated drink, but eating so quickly sufficed in the long run as Ed got up and walked into his bathroom, flicking on the light and lifting the toilet seat.

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Roy couldn't sleep that night, he couldn't get the picture of Ed out of his mind, laying there, crying alone. Roy sighed, finally giving in and getting up. He pulled on his pain blue military pants and his white undershirt, and, throwing on a pair of sandals, got up and left.

He walked to the cafeteria, stopping for a glass of hot milk, before returning to his stroll down the seemingly endless halls of the Central HQ. After a few moments thought, he decided to go check on Ed. It was late at night, but since Ed went to bed so early, it was much more likely for him to be awake now.

Roy walked along, sipping his steaming milk until he came to the young alchemist's room. He put his ear to the door, he heard movement, surprisingly enough, he'd been right. He paused, his hand hovering before the door, about to knock, when he heard a door on the inside swing open, most likely the bathroom. He replaced his ear on the door. There was a strange sound, a gulping. Then something splashed, Roy opened the door a crack. He really shouldn't be eavesdropping, but still, his curiosity held h as he peeked through.

The plate and glass he'd left earlier were empty, Ed had eaten it all! That had been a lot of food, he couldn't be that bad. Maybe it had just been his imagination, Roy sighed in relief, as he closed the door quickly and quietly. He didn't want to be caught after all. Roy gulped down the last of the milk, walking back to his room with a clean conscious, as Ed proceeded to puke his guts out.

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Ed heard a noise at the door, he puked once more, before wiping his mouth and looking out. There was no one there. He felt empty, but too fatigued to get more food. He walked back over to lay down on his bed, pulling up the blankets thankfully.

Ed woke up again, only a few minutes later in a cold sweat. Must have been a nightmare that woke him, but he couldn't remember it. Ed lay his head back down on his goose-down pillow, noticing for the first time it was wet. He sighed, flipping it over and wiping his mouth without a second glance, why did he always drool in his sleep?

Ed looked at his hand in the light shining in from the windowpane, it was covered in blood. That was the third time. But he didn't hurt anywhere, and he was so tired he simply shrugged it off. What could be the worst that it could be? Maybe a bit of blood, it was nothing compared to wounds he'd had before and he was still here wasn't he? Easing into sleep again with this comforting thought, Ed lost consciousness once again.

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"Lt. Hawkeye," Roy said, taking a handful of papers from her as she passed by.

"What is it Colonel Mustang?" she asked, walking with him to the office the next morning. It was a sunny day out, a nice change from the usual dreary weather of winter.

"I checked on Ed again last night, because I couldn't sleep, and he ate all of the food I left him," Roy replied happily.

"He did? That was a lot," Riza smiled too, "This is really good. Who knows, maybe he just feels awkward eating around us so he eats alone now?" She sat down to get to work, flipping through the booklet of papers; one thing didn't make sense though. If he's so healthy, why'd he been puking just earlier this day? Riza smelled something bad in the air, this was more complex than it seemed. But Roy was so much more relaxed, better leave it be for now. He'll find out in the end, we all will.

Roy glanced at the clock on the wall, it was noon. Ed hadn't come in yet. He was getting a little apprehensive, but shrugged it off. And continued shrugging it off, though he found it more and more difficult as the day progressed from noon, to afternoon, to late evening. Ed didn't come in for work that day. "Sir, I'll take care of the rest of the paperwork," Riza finally said wearily, at about eight thirty in the afternoon.

"Thanks, I need to go see Ed," Roy replied, getting up and walking quickly out the door. Riza sighed as she watched him go, hopefully they'd soon get some answers.

Roy walked down the hallways quickly, he didn't like to lose his cool, but though he tried to fend it off, he was on the verge of doing just that. Roy found Ed's dorm, and, not bothering to knock, twisted the doorknob and walked in. Ed was asleep. "Ed," Roy said gently, taking a seat next to his bed, "Ed, please tell me you're okay, wake up."

He shook Ed's shoulder gently, causing the alchemist to finally rouse himself from his sleep. "Colonel, what's going on? Why're you here?" Ed asked, rubbing his bleary eyes. Roy sighed in slight relief, but his tension returned a moment later.

"Ed, why didn't you come in today?" he asked.

"Huh?" Ed said simply, "What time is it?"

"It's eight thirty god damn it!" Roy replied forcefully. Ed's eyes widened, how could that be?

"At night? That's crazy, I just," Ed looked at his clock desperately, "I didn't know, I just kept sleeping I was so tired." Ed's stomach grumbled loudly, his insides burned, as Ed crouched down, clutching his stomach.

"Ed, you've almost literally slept 24 hours strait, something's wrong here," Roy said, grabbing Ed's hand.

"Roy, it's okay, just lately I've been having some nightmares, that's why I couldn't sleep the past few nights, which is why I slept so long today," Ed countered. He bit his tongue, Ed hated lying so blatantly. "I need something to eat, I'll just stay late tomorrow to make up my work."

"Ed, what's going on? You've slept all day and you expect me to believe nothing's wrong?" Roy replied as Ed got up. "Ed, don't ignore me," Roy said, as Ed pulled on his coat. Roy grabbed Ed's pillow, intending to throw it at him. It was childish, he had to admit, but he needed to get Ed's attention somehow. Roy pulled it up, but felt something wet. He looked at said pillow and turned it over. Ed looked up from putting on his boots, and then gasped in horror. It was covered in deep rusty red blood, drying, but still fresh. Ed ran out the door as Roy looked up, heading strait out the main exit.

A/N Gods I'm tired, goodnight! Five reviews as always, who knows, maybe we can make it to 100 this chapter? Well, see you next chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N Just checking in to say that yes, I am indeed still alive. Sorry for taking so long, I swear my next update will be quicker! I've just had so much to do lately, the homework, it's killing me. Well, this chapter's kind of short, kind of crappy, but oh well. I've written worse. Also, lately I've been eating lots of pie, I don't know why. It's quite delicious…

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

"Ed!" Roy yelled, as they both took off. But Ed had the head start, which he used to his advantage, darting out of the building and running down to the central market. It was a square filled with café's, restaurants, and shops of every sort, a huge tourist attraction, and always brimming with people. Ed slowed down, looking around nervously; Roy was nowhere to be seen. This was the safest place to be right now, so Ed walked into a small restaurant.

Roy swore as he lost sight of Ed. He could be anywhere in Central, hell, he could be taking a train somewhere else. Roy ran back to his office, calling Riza. "Colonel, what is it?" she questioned, putting away the paperwork she'd been doing for him.

"Riza, it's Ed, I need everyone's help, can you round them up for me?" Roy replied. Riza nodded her head, looking Roy up and down in confusion.

"What happened?"

"He was asleep when I found him, didn't even realize a day had passed," Roy replied, "And I saw his pillow was covered in blood. Then he saw that I had seen it and ran, he could be anywhere."

"Wait here sir," Riza replied, "I'll be back in 5, 10 minutes." Roy nodded, as Riza walked hurriedly out the door. Roy couldn't sit down, he couldn't do anything but pace in a circle, glancing at the clock nervously every thirty seconds or so.

Riza ran about, gathering everyone and telling them to meet in Roy's office, her mind racing. Blood, it could mean quite a few things. Was Ed cutting? Was he hurt somewhere and not telling? Did he actually have a disease serious enough to hurt him this badly? "Havoc, get over here, now!" she yelled, lacing her fingers over the hilt of one of her guns threateningly.

Havoc practically ran over seeing this, following Riza back down the hall. "What's up Hawkeye?" he asked informally, finishing the last of the sandwich he'd been eating for dinner.

"I'll tell you when we get back, everyone else is already with Roy in his office," Riza replied, quickening her pace. Havoc shrugged, walking into Roy's office where Fury, Breda, Fallman, and Roy himself all awaited them. "We're all here sir, what do you propose we do?" Hawkeye asked, standing at attention.

"Okay, now that everyone's here, I have a new assignment for you all," Roy said, stopping his pacing, "Go and search Central for Fullmetal, he's gone and we need to find him. Bring him back no matter the cost. I've divided up the areas of Central for each of you to search, and Fury, be sure to check at the train station if he's left Central by train. If you find him, or any possible whereabouts, contact either the First Lieutenant or myself immediately. That is all, dismissed."

They all saluted nervously, taking maps of Central and divvying up the sections. Fullmetal was, well, Fullmetal! And we wouldn't go down without one hell of a fight if he didn't want to. "Sir, are you sure this is entirely wise?" Hawkeye asked as they all left.

"Ed's weak right now, he's tired, he's hungry, and he's sick. He shouldn't be too hard to take down," Roy replied, "Dismissed." Riza nodded, sliding her pistol into its holster, and giving a quick salute before their paths separated.

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Ed drank a couple cappuccinos, he normally disapproved of coffee, but he had to stay alert, which was admittedly pretty hard when you felt weak, dispirited, hungry, and a bit cold. Ed felt vulnerable, just weak overall. He really didn't like feeling this way, as he looked out the window of the coffee shop. Ed flagged down a waitress, ordering quite literally half of the menu, and taking another gulp of his drink. He scanned the square; Roy would probably be putting together a search party about now. Then they'd find Ed and take him back. Ed pretty much had two choices, he could resign himself to the fate of being drug back, or he could keep running and fighting.

He'd simply gone with plan two on instinct before, but now he was feeling so tired he simply didn't really care anymore. A part of him, a small part he'd buried deep away, wanted to tell everyone. He actually half wanted to be taken away to the rehab center, for Roy to know, to see what Ed really was. Only a small part though. Plates of steaming food were placed in front of him, as Ed picked up his fork and began to stuff himself, trying not to think about it.

This happened to be when Havoc saw him, as he walked through the square. Havoc ducked behind a large potted plant, watching Ed as he finished eating and got up. Ed paid the bill along with a hefty tip, and left to the bathroom. Havoc ran back, he had to find Roy. Like hell he'd face Fullmetal alone.

Ed reached down his throat, puking in one of the bathroom stalls. He wiped his mouth, washing it out a couple times before coming back out. His stomach felt uneasy, churning uncomfortably. It growled both from hunger and unease, he stopped back at his table, sitting down and ordering another cappuccino. He was tired as hell; his body hadn't been functioning well lately. And as Ed picked the menu back up, he felt a wave of tiredness wash over him, his head falling on the table and his eyes sliding shut. It was one of the random bouts of sleepiness that sometimes overtook him, like the one that had left him to sleep all day today. Talk about bad timing.

Roy followed Havoc into the restaurant impatiently, flashing his pocket watch to a waitress carrying a couple cappuccinos. "Have you seen a young man, blonde hair, red coat?" Roy asked. The waitress nodded nervously, gesturing towards a table next to the window. They walked quickly over. "Ed, what the hell's your problem storming off like that?" Roy said angrily, pulling away the menu that hid the boy's face. He was lying on the table, drool leaking in a thin stream out of the left side of his mouth.

"He's out cold," Havoc said plainly, lifting Ed's wrist and dropping it, "What now?"

"Havoc, get a cab," Roy replied, lifting Ed out of his char and over his shoulder, "Now."

A/N I'm going to sleep now, kendo wiped me out tonight. Read and review, at least five, and I'll update sooner this time! Please don't hurt me! More will happen next chapter, but I'm really tired right now, so I have no idea how this chapter turned out. Oh well, I'll find out in the morning I guess… also, I've heard that this story is frighteningly realistic, which is somewhat surprising and pleasing for me. I personally know someone who's bulimic, and I myself, in moments of weakness have partaken in cutting myself, so I'm better at writing angst because I have more experience with it I guess. The rest is random facts about it that I've picked up from TV, books, and other such random resources, so, so far, I'm pretty happy with how it's turned out. Well, goodnight!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N Extra long nice chapter for you! Please, please don't hurt me! I was feeling slightly inspired, so I think this chapter turned out pretty good. I'd like to say thanks for all of the people who read this fic; your praise is too gracious! Well, I really have nothing else to say, so here you are.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, never have, never will. Get over it.

"Get Hawkeye, tell her we've found him and that she needs to meet me at HQ," Roy said, laying Ed down in the backseat of the cab. "I'm counting on you Havoc." Havoc gave a hasty salute as Roy sat down in the cab, slammed the door, and was driven away.

"To the military HQ, quickly," Roy said plainly to the driver. Ed shifted, his hands clutching his stomach as it made a sick gurgling noise. "Hang on Ed."

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"Roy, I came back as soon as Havoc told me what had happened, where is he?" Riza asked, running into Roy's office unceremoniously.

"He's on the couch," Roy replied, "He passed out." Riza saw Ed's resting form and rushed forward, taking his pulse on an impulse.

"His heart beat is too fast," she muttered to herself sadly, sitting down next to Ed.

"How do you know that?" Roy asked, sitting down next to her.

"I took a course on it, remember? We all had to get at least the lowest degree of health care to be soldiers," Riza replied.

Roy thought back, he could vaguely remember sleeping through a lecture on the subject. "You actually paid attention?"

"Yeah, I even got a Nurse's degree," Riza replied, "Why?"

"Can you take a diagnosis of Ed?" Roy asked, "He needs your help."

"Alright," Riza replied nervously, "But I'm not very good, I can only try to figure out the most basic symptoms." Roy nodded his accent. Riza took in a deep breath, turning back to Ed. "Here goes nothing…" She pulled off his coat, checking his pulse again just to be sure. "Roy, leave."

"What?" Roy asked.

"I can't do this with you looming over my shoulder, get out," Riza replied icily, pointing towards the door. Roy nodded hesitantly, walking out of said door. Riza looked back to Ed, and pulled off his shirt, holding her breath. She gaped at what she saw, running her fingers over Ed's chest. "I think I'm going to be sick…"

Riza saw one thing, and one thing only when she looked over Ed's chest. Ribs. Every individual rib stuck out, the skin tightly folded over them. Riza took a notepad and pencil from Roy's desk. She pulled off Ed's pants; his muscles were receding and unhealthily thin on his legs as well. Riza wrote notes on the paper; symptoms that had appeared, average pulse, anything that might help lead to the answer of what was going on.

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"Roy, you can come in now," Riza said, opening the door for Roy to enter. Roy stopped pacing and waked in, shutting the door quietly behind him. Ed was still lying on the couch, covered by his coat.

"So nurse, what's you diagnosis?" Roy asked, sitting on the couch opposite Ed. Riza glared at him for a moment before picking back up her clipboard and sitting down next to him.

"Malnutrition, he's not eating." She said plainly, "That's the best I can say, it all fits together."

"Then why is he passing out and all of the blood, I don't get it," Roy replied impatiently.

"Calm down Roy," Riza replied, "Edward has had no energy lately because he's not eating. The body needs nutrition constantly either in the form of food or stored fats. That, along with cellular respiration is what keeps it going. Calcium for teeth and bones, vitamin C for healthy skin, there are dozens of different minerals we need and get through food. Without it, the body begins to eat its stored fats."

"Ok," Roy replied, "It all makes sense, but what happens when the he runs out of stored fat?"

"Once the body lacks any nutrition in either food or fat," Riza sighed, her voice melancholy, "It begins to devour itself." Roy balanced his elbows on his knees and put his face in his hands.

"And how do you cure it?"

"Sir," Riza said, "Once it does too much damage to itself, the damage is permanent. The only theory on how to help is a transplant, but it's untested and unsafe."

"Riza, I'm asking how we can help him now," Roy said loudly, "Are you saying we can't keep Ed from dieing!"

"No sir, not at all," Riza said, "Ed's may have permanent damage to his digestive tract from this, but if we help him now, he won't die. He simply needs to start eating again." Roy sighed, massaging his forehead.

"It's really that bad?" Roy asked, getting up and walking over beside Ed. Riza pulled the coat off of Ed's chest, revealing a long line of ribs and stretch marks. Roy breathed in quickly, looking away a moment later.

"Yes," Riza said simply, "He's done this to himself, slowly, over time."

"What now? Should we take him to a hospital?" Roy asked.

"Under no circumstances," Riza replied, "How blatantly obvious do you need something to be to get it? Roy, the reasons for all of this are mental, do anything that drastic and it'd have a greater chance of simply making him worse than helping him. I'll take care of him, I'm the only one who'd know what to do if something bad happened."

"The straw that broke the camel's back huh?" Roy said, thinking of Ed's teacher, "I'll help you carry him back to your dorm room, seeing as that's all I can do to help."

"Thanks," Riza said, "And I think you can help him more than anyone else Roy. I told you that it's mental." Roy shrugged his shoulders, picking up Ed and following Riza to her room.

"You know I still have almost no idea what you're talking about, I'm not good at all of this doctor stuff," Roy replied, stopping as Riza took out her keys and unlocked her door.

"Just lay him down on my bed," Riza gestured as Roy carried Ed in and put him down, "You'll understand eventually Roy. I'm going to sleep, it's practically midnight. I'll tell you when he wakes up ok?"

"Yeah, thanks," Roy replied, "Goodnight." Riza smiled weakly at him, before closing her door. Man she was worn out, Riza collapsed on her couch taking a spare pillow and laying her head on it.

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Riza's eyes snapped open. Her clock said it was about three thirty in the morning. Riza sat up uncertainly, turning on her lamp and looking about for what had awakened her. "Ed!" She gasped, getting up and running over to him. Ed lay, clutching his stomach, crying as blood leaked out of his mouth. "Ed, Ed are you ok?" Riza asked, wiping away as much blood from his mouth as she could.

Ed's eyes opened up slightly, looking up at her face just long enough to recognize it, before clenching shut again in pain. "H-hurts," he choked out from behind clenched teeth, "It hurts!"

A/N Also, as an important announcement, I do realize the last episode of the series has been aired on television, but I myself have not seen it. I've seen up to episode 49, and no further. So, as a consequence, I do not know the ending, and under no circumstances do I wish to know it before I see the episodes for myself. If I am told anything of the ending of the series, anything at all, I will discontinue and delete all of my current fanfics. So, here's my warning to you. If I hear anything about it in an email, a review, a message, or in any other way, I WILL delete my stories, and track down and viciously murder the person who told me. This is not an idle threat. In other news, hurray for cliffhangers! Oh yes, I am so very evil… as always, peppermint ice cream makes me update faster, good night.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Huh, very emotional chapter I guess… Ok, but before that, story time! In Japan, I ate tons of really weird foods… but for the majority they were really good! One night when we went out to eat, I ordered a pizza. I couldn't tell what it was, but it looked the least unusual, so I got it. Turned out, surprise surprise, that it was a pumpkin and shrimp pizza. Yeah. It was crazy over there… but it tasted really good, so that's cool. Hey, this trip was all about new experiences right? Well, this update is dedicated to Roy-fan-33 who it seems has made fanart for this story. I'll tell everyone when she gets it up on the Internet. I feel so loved… fanart for me, of all people! I cannot express my gratitude enough! So, in a cheap try at compensating her even a little, this chapter is extra long! Plus, I found a wonderful muse for it…

Disclaimer: Don't own FMA, never will.

Ok, think strait, she could do that. Riza stepped back to Ed, watching him shivering in silent sobs, curled up in a ball. Riza pulled away one of his hands, taking his wrist and squeezing it. Ed yelped, but Riza did her best to ignore it as she watched the clock. She probably didn't even have to have watched the time to realize Ed's pulse was racing, but it helped her keep everything around her strait.

"Ok Ed, can you hear me," she asked gently. No response. "Listen to me!" she yelled, squeezing Ed's hand. "You aren't going to die! It hurts but you need to cooperate with me." Riza pulled down the blankets, pulling off Ed's shirt and leaning down to listen. Then she realized something, as she felt Ed's shivering feverish body. It was what she couldn't hear that was strange.

"He's not breathing," Riza said, getting back up and stepping back in terror, "Oh my god!"

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Ed's eyes felt as though they'd been stapled together as he tried to open them. He felt the type of drifting lightheadedness that you get when you've slept for months on end. He felt tired and his mind must have been replaced with an enormous marshmallow for all the good it did him to try and think. He could remember blood… blood and pain. And then it was dark. Ed's eyes opened halfway, deciding that that was enough for now. He saw white bed sheets and blankets. Ed looked around him, his eyes still not entirely convinced that there was any need to open up any wider. He'd been in places like this before, if only he could remember what they were called. That was it, they were hospitals. He was in a hospital. Ed's eyes opened as wide as seemed humanly possible, before he fell back on his bed, eyes closing tightly as he passed out.

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"I didn't want to resort to this, but at least until he wakes up, it's for the best," Riza sighed, walking into the hospital room with Roy to watch Ed. "Roy, you need to talk to him about dealing with depression."

"I already have though," Roy replied, "How long will he stay here?"

Riza rolled her eyes and glared at Roy. "Then you obviously didn't do a very good job. He should leave as soon as he wakes up, for all that he knows, he's here because he passed out, nothing more or less. We'll keep it at that for now, see if we can get him to tell us what's really going on, on his own. You should take him out somewhere fun, make him want to be healthy, and happy, and alive."

"Alright," Roy replied. "I think he's enjoying living though…"

"Roy, I'm not trying to pressure you into this, if you aren't entirely serious about it than for god's sake just say so," Riza snapped, "But you weren't there last night. He stopped breathing Roy, he was about to die! If I hadn't washed the dried blood out of his throat… I don't even want to have to _think_ about it." Roy gulped, looking over to Ed. He had one of those plastic bowl like things over his mouth giving him pure oxygen, Roy didn't know what they were called.

"I'm serious about this, and have been from the start," he said staring at Ed. He'd made up his mind. "If he does die, feel free to place all responsibility on my shoulders." Riza looked him up and down suspiciously, smirking at what she saw.

"Then go tell him that," she said bemusedly, "Take him out, somewhere nice, ok? Fatten him up for me will you?" She smiled. "I've got work to do, you can stay here and wait for him to come to if you want." Roy nodded, walking over and sitting down next to Ed.

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Ed's eyes flickered around the room, taking in everything. "Roy!" he tried to say, choking. He pulled the facemask off, sitting up. "Why am I here?" he asked fearfully.

"You passed out Ed," Roy replied, "Why else would you be here?" Ed sighed, his shoulders loosing their tension. "Are you well enough to get up?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ed replied, flipping off the paper thin sheets that all hospitals seem to buy in bulk. Ed got up, his head spun the first few steps, but he got over the worst of it and found it easier the longer he was at it.

"Good," Roy replied, "Because we're going out today." This caught Ed's attention, making him look up.

"A what?"

"It'll be fun, we've never been on an official date," Roy stated, plain as day. "So I thought it'd be nice to go to the fair." Ed nodded I disbelief as Roy took his hand and led him out and back to his room to change into some new clothes. Ed was still unable to think when they got into Roy's car and drove off. It was probably the lack of food, he finally decided as they got there. But when Roy bought their tickets and they stepped inside, what with all the rides, food, noise, and flashing lights, it suddenly seemed a lot more real. Ed couldn't help but grin for all that he was worth.

"Can we go on some rides?" he asked, looking up to Roy. Roy smiled, nodding his head as they walked off.

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"Here Ed," Roy said, handing the boy an ice cream cone, "eat up." They both sat down on a bench, eating their individual ice creams, staring into the night sky. Roy got up a few minutes later, having finished. A long day of running from one roller coaster to the next had them both rather worn out, but Ed was showing it much worse than Roy. "I'll be right back," he said, walking off into the crowd. Ed flipped through the pamphlet he'd been given, there were going to be fireworks in another half hour or so, they'd always been nice… Ed felt dizzy. It was only a little drowsiness that passed through his head and he recovered only a few moments later, but that got him worried. He couldn't pass out _again_, if he did Roy might start looking into it further… and that would mean trouble. Ed licked his ice cream, closing the booklet and looking up as Roy came back, toting a plastic bag with two small boxes in it.

"Here, I got us a treat," Roy sat down next to Ed, pulling out one of the boxes and setting it on his lap. It was warm and smelled yummy. Ed opened up the box, taking one of the plastic forks and taking a bite of the noodles.

"Yakisoba?" He asked after a moment, chewing it thoughtfully. Roy nodded, slurping an enormous mouthful down. Ed began wolfing it down with renewed vigor, feeling hungrier than he'd ever been before. He couldn't ever remember feeling this hungry, when was the last time he'd eaten a proper meal? Ed gulped the last of the noodles in a flurry, finishing as Roy made it to his halfway point. Roy looked in disbelief as Ed threw away the box, licking his lips.

"Someone sure is hungry," he smiled, finishing his mouthful, "Do you want me to go get some more?" Ed was going to nod, but stopped. It was to suspicious, he couldn't eat too much at once when he was in sight.

"No, I've just been asleep so long, I guess I missed a few meals," Ed replied, wiping sauce from his mouth.

"Well, try and save some room, I want to get us some dessert for watching the fireworks," Roy replied, "They should start pretty soon." Ed nodded, stopping. He felt his stomach rolling about uncomfortably. He tried to keep a casual expression on, smiling wearily. "You ok Ed?" Roy asked.

"Yeah," he replied, almost too jovially, "I'm just a bit tired, we've been out all day long."

"Think you can manage one last ride on the Ferris wheel?" Roy asked, getting up and holding out his hand. Ed took it, getting up as well, but stopped. He let go, his hands circling around his stomach. He gulped deeply, gasping for air as Roy paused. Ed gulped down the nausea as best he could. "Ed, what's wrong?" Roy asked hurriedly.

"I, I," Ed began, trying to finish before _it_ came. "I need to go!" was all that he could get out before turning and rushing over to the garbage can; his head leaned in as he heaved. Roy ran over, looking on in shock as Ed wretched out all of the food he'd eaten so far that day. He patted Ed's back, holding his hair out of the way until he'd finished. Ed's eyes watered, tears forming at the corners as he stared into the abyss of the garbage can. He stared at the vomit, coughing as it clogged up his throat.

He looked on in absolute horror. Everything had been so good, so happy at long last… and here he was. Puking up his dinner. And it really hit him as he coughed up a few mouthfuls more, these tinged a light red, that this was it. This was what he'd been doing to himself this whole time. He coughed a few more times, before pulling his head up and looking at the sky. His mouth hurt, his stomach churned, and his throat felt like it was on fire. Roy rubbed his back, in case there was any more. A firework, the first of the night, flew up into the sky and burst into a flare of blue light. "I don't want to do this anymore," Ed whispered to himself, his eyes tearing up for real. "I don't want to do this anymore!" Ed fell to his knees and cried, sobbing in great gasps as fireworks shot above their heads, bursting into light on all sides. Roy leaned down, and picked up Ed, cradling him in his arms as Ed sobbed into his shirt.

"Lets go home," he said gently, carrying Ed back to the car and laying him down in the back. Roy got into the drivers seat and pulled out. Fireworks could wait.

A/N Pretty long chapter, I'm so proud. My updates are, unfortunately, coming much less often than they were some time ago. I've left a note on my profile explaining it, and I haven't the heart to depress myself by repeating it here. On a second note though, speaking of my Japan trip, I was planning on mentioning this, but I never really got to it did I? Just before leaving for Japan a few months ago, I turned 14. Yep, fourteen… I really feel the same though. Birthdays are weird like that. Do I seem younger? Or older? I really have no idea… well, thanks again Roy fan, I'll update next chance I get. See you all later.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N Hmm, I'm finally back from vacation. This chapter took a bit of spontaneous stuff and some deep thought, so it's kind of a mixture of the two… yah. I'm feeling a lot better lately, things are still a bit weird with Moro… but we're starting to sort it all out. And so life goes on… and so here you go.

Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, it would be a terrible, terrible anime. But I don't, and thankfully it isn't, so hah.

"What is it Roy, what's going on?" Riza asked, pulling her hand out of his and stopping outside of the room.

"It's Ed," Roy said, rubbing the back of his neck, "He… he kind of needs a shoulder to cry on right now I think." Riza huffed, folding her arms.

"Lets see Roy, who here is in the romantic relationship with him?" she asked sarcastically, "You need to do these things for him, I can't come to your rescue all of the time. Spit it out, what went on over there?"

"We were eating," Roy started, "And he seemed really hungry and ate it all in a matter of seconds, and then, well, he fell over and puked." This caught the First Lieutenant's attention.

"He puked? How soon after eating? Are you sure?" she asked, flipping from sleepy pissed off woman to work mode in a second.

"I'm pretty sure he puked Hawkeye, I saw it with my own eyes," Roy retorted, "It was actually, well, must have been less than a minute after he ate that it happened." Riza's mind clicked at this.

"Roy, I think this could be serious, I mean really serious," She said cautiously, "I think Ed may be suffering from bulimia."

"Isn't that some sort of chick disease?" Roy asked in confusion. Riza glared at him, giving him her best withering stare, before continuing.

"I don't know the finer details of it, but basically what the subject, in this case Ed, will do is thy will gorge themselves on mass amounts of food, before puking it all back up. It's called purging and bingeing. It's an eating disorder that starves the user slowly over time," Riza looked at the floor thoughtfully, "I think it's to do with being in control of something if I'm remembering correctly."

"So how do you fix it?" Roy asked simply.

"I've never dealt with something like this before," Riza said nervously, chewing one of her fingernails, "He'll need a carefully watched diet, and he's got to get over the mental and emotional stress that's driven him to this."

"Well, go on in," Roy said, running his hand through his hair, disheveling it even more.

"You just don't get it!" Riza said loudly, "For god's sake Roy, it's not me that needs to do this, it's you. You're the one he would eat in front of, you're the one who figured this all out, and you're the one who can relate to dangerous behavior like this." Riza bit her lip in frustration and rising sadness. "You're the closest thing he's got to family, to love… to a real emotional connection. If you fuck this up, it won't be a question of how he could recover, it would be a question of whether or not he could!" Riza twisted the doorknob of Ed's dorm room, wrenched it open and shoved Roy in.

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Ed lay on his bed listening dully to the Colonel and First Lieutenant argue outside. He stared out the window into the starry night sky blankly, not bothering to kick off his shoes. He heard the door open, but didn't bother to look behind him.

"Ed?" a voice asked, lacking its usual confidence. Ed sat up on his bed and turned back to see Roy. He walked in and sat down next to Ed. After a minute or so of silence, Roy finally said the only thing that could come to mind. "Are you okay?" Ed's figure, draped in the dim moonlight from the window, looked ghastly. Ed felt Roy's eyes on him.

"…So you both know?" Ed asked blankly. He'd always imagined the moment he revealed his addiction to Roy would be very emotional and that he might, if things got bad, even be in tears. Thinking about it now was almost funny.

"Yeah," Roy said, equally quiet and dark, "We know. Why didn't you tell me?"

Ed tried to speak but gagged on his words. "I wanted to, I just… I didn't know what you would think… of my being so weak." Roy looked up.

"Ed, emotions aren't weakness, they're part of being human and being alive," he said solemnly, "After the war I questioned whether or not I had them… I felt like we'd all lost the ability to feel. But the undeniable guilt, the horror, and the sorrow that filled me over time… it wasn't weakness, it was the same as breathing. Just another part of life that no one can avoid. Not me, and sure as hell not you." Ed leaned against Roy, relaxing. He looked up at him, their eyes meeting in the darkness.

Ed sat up, leaning forward to kiss Roy. Roy sat, caught off guard, before returning it. "You know I love you," Ed said quietly, after a few moments of sweet bliss. "More than anyone else in the world." Roy felt warm happiness at this remark and yet an unexplainable sadness. He let out a heavy breath, not quite a sigh, but almost, before Ed kissed him again. And for Ed, for that moment, passion filled in the crack in his heart that had once been occupied by a brother.

"Ed, we need to talk about this," Roy said, pulling away with all of his willpower, "You know that what you've been doing is wrong, we need to fix it."

"Roy, shut up," Ed said, kissing him again, adding in some tongue. Roy leaned forward, Ed lying below him, taking off his shirt. Ed started necking him. "We can fix whatever you want later." Roy returned to his proper mind at this remark, a bitter taste invading his mouth. He sat back up, getting off of Ed's hips that he'd moments before been straddling. "Roy, Roy why the hell did you stop?" Ed asked, sitting up. He pulled his braid loose and pulled out his hair. "I know this what you want, and I want it too, so get back over here." He tried to look sexily at Roy, fiddling with his hair, but Roy looked away.

"It's just one thing after another isn't it Ed?" he sighed, looking back at the boy, not lustfully as Ed had hoped, but with a genuine sorrow.

"I'll start eating again Roy, I swear, but come on," Ed said in slight confusion, "I want you; badly."

"You can't keep avoiding your emotions with temporary solutions like this; trust me, I've tried," Roy said. "Now are you ready to face this without jumping me?" Ed sat up, still playing with his hair. He pulled part a split end.

"…I feel like dying. Like every day I wake up I should be dead, not him," Ed muttered. "I just can't believe it's too late… too late to give Al the life he always deserved." Roy pulled Ed into a hug, patting his blonde hair gently.

"It's going to hurt, and for a long time. There will be more than one day when you contemplate suicide, and it will feel as though the entire world is weighing you down, but you'll keep going," Roy said quietly, "Because the world is too beautiful, and there will always be someone out there who loves you, or whose life you could change for the better. And whether you hate it or love it, that's how it's going to be, so suck it up." Roy smiled lightly as Ed sobbed into his shirt and patted him on the back.

Riza pulled the glass from the door, running her finger across the rim thoughtfully. She sat with her back to the door for a moment later, before getting up and walking back to her room, smiling.

A/N I really love Riza, she's a wonderful character. I'm reading Memoirs of a Geisha; it's so addictive I love it! I feel so sorry for Pumpkin though, I really like her. New question: what does my pen name come from? If at least one person gets it right I'll update sooner than previously predicted. Here's a hint: Think CLAMP. Well, goodnight world, see you later.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N Please read this entire author's note; it's longer than usual for a reason. I really like this chapter. I wrote it twice, and I'm happy I went with this version. Nothing much really happens, but in a way, it still contains so much emotion and just stuff… I think it's my favorite chapter; I really put a lot of thought and heart into the ending. Also, it wraps up things very nicely, as it is the last chapter of this story. I've updated quickly because someone's found that my pen name comes from XXX Holic, where Yuko's two servants are named Marudashi and Morodashi. The English equivalent of those names would be stripping and flashing, and I just love them, so there. Keen observation, The Pathetic Writer. Also, I finished 'Memoirs of a Geisha,' my favorite characters are definitely Hatsumomo and Pumpkin. I want to write a fic on it, but I can find no inspiration, any ideas? And the movie is very good, PG-13 for a reason, but still absolutely beautiful. Well, thank all of you for reviewing and urging me on through this entire story, I couldn't have done it without all of the support. I can't believe it's ending… this fic was so much fun to write, even though it's finished I absolutely love it. Well, this is the final and my personal favorite chapter of Addiction, so enjoy it.

Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist, I wouldn't be so very proud of my meager fanfiction.

"Ed, drink your milk," Roy said, sitting down next to him during lunch.

"I don't drink milk," Ed said testily, "That's why I got juice, are you blind?" Ed picked up the glass of orange juice and took a gulp. "Yum, this juice tastes so good having not been squeezed out of cow tits and all." He glared playfully at Roy, who gave a Riza inspired disapproving look.

"You heard Hawkeye, you need to get more protein and that means dairy, no matter whose tits it comes from," Roy retorted taking a bite of bread.

"You really are blind aren't you? Riza agreed to my eating yogurt and cheese instead, milk isn't the only dairy out there," Ed replied, waving a bowl of yogurt in front of Roy, "And lots and lots of ice cream. You know, I like this diet…" Roy smirked.

"So Ed, had any incidents lately?" He asked on a darker note. Ed licked the key lime pie yogurt from his spoon, putting it down on the tray.

"Not for a week and a half now," he said somberly, staring down at nothing, "I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed. I just… you know… It's really hard to deal with." Ed twirled his spoon around in the remaining yogurt before taking another bite.

"Well I for one am proud of you," Roy said in a lighter air, restoring a more positive atmosphere, "Maybe all this protein will help you grow a bit, you never know." Ed glared at him, before spooning the last of the yogurt into his mouth and gulping down the rest of his juice, sparing only the dregs.

"I get to eat chicken and rice next week, only a little, but it's progress, no? Eating yogurt for a month gets to be a bit of a drag really, really fast," Ed said, getting up, "And," he couldn't hold it in any longer, "I'm not short! You're just freakishly huge you bastard!" And with that, Ed stomped off.

"Guess some habits never die," Roy mused, as Riza sat down beside him.

"How's Ed doing? I'm taking another class today, so I won't be in the office until around four alright?" Riza said, sipping the soup of the day, clam chowder.

"He's doing really good, week and a half now," Roy replied, enjoying the good mood this brought about in him. "Ice cream?"

"What? It _is_ dairy after all," Riza smiled, "I had to get him to eat some somehow, and it'll help him gain weight. Wouldn't you have agreed to a diet centered around ice cream?" Roy put on an exaggerated look of deep thought.

"You know, I think I might," he finally said, taking another bite of his sandwich. "If I absolutely had to of course…"

"Of course," Riza agreed, using a decidedly Roy like smirk. "I'm going then, keep an eye on him ok?"

"I don't know, I might need them both for looking at my papers…" Roy said sarcastically; they both knew he had no intention whatsoever of doing any work. "We'll see." Riza looked him up and down and, satisfied by his insincerity, got up and left. Roy leaned back in his char, gulping down some of the scalding soup. It looked like it was going to be a good day.

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Ed walked back to his room, shutting the door quietly behind him. He went to his bed, reaching beneath the mattress to pull out a small booklet. Flipping through the penciled in pages, he came to the second half of the book, filled with blank pages, and chose the first one. Taking out a pen, Ed lay back and began to write.

Thursday,

I can't believe it's been a month already, since I stopped puking and started writing I this journal… things still seem so unbelievable. I hear Riza's still taking more medical classes, she's taken them back up again because of me… she says she's tired of lucky guesswork. I think it's really running down all of our nerves.

I still think of Al everyday when I look to his bed and see that he's not here. I'm getting used to it, but it's really strange. The military offered to take out his bed and replace it with a couch or a desk so that the extra room wouldn't go to waste, but I decided to keep it. I want to recover, and I don't want Roy and Riza to have to worry about me, but I still don't want to forget. I want to be able to look back on my time with Al… without feeling the emptiness.

If I lay I his bed, I can still smell some of the iron from his metal… something so cold, so inanimate as the frigid steel of a suit of armor wasn't my brother. He was life, and joy, and forgiveness. He couldn't have been cold and heartless like the body he was trapped in, no matter how he ever looked… he'll always be Alphonse. The smell makes me think of traveling…

Ed lay snapped the book shut and put it back under his mattress along with the pen. While writing he'd moved over to his brother's bed, and he lay down on it, sprawled across the top sheets. There was an indent where Al had always slept, almost the exact shape of his armor, and Ed really could smell it. He turned onto his stomach and buried his face in Alphonse's pillow, breathing deeply. Then he turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

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Wednesday,

I sat down on Al's bed today. The cleaning woman washed the sheets and fluffed everything up. His indents are gone, and I can't smell anything but bleach anymore. I can remember the smell… but it's faint. I thought of complaining, but in the end it wouldn't get any of those things back anyways.

I haven't written for a couple of weeks now, but I still haven't thrown up again. I think I'm happy, but I can't really tell anymore. I stopped caring I guess. Alphonse, your smell is gone, memories of you that used to be scattered about are all disappearing… the little bowl of cream you always set outside for the stray cats, your clanking… they're all gone. But you aren't really gone, are you?


End file.
